When do we choose to follow something God is putting on our heart? When we've rationalized it, or when we still have to walk by faith?
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."
I felt the tugging for the past few weeks. I've been spending too much time on my phone, mostly looking at social media. Things that don't matter.
I'd get lost in Instagram feeds that were not uplifting. I have a thing for the petty pop culture accounts and it's easy to get lost in it.
I'd swipe and swipe and swipe through Facebook, comparing myself to others and breeding a mix of jealousy and haughtiness.
Refreshing. Always refreshing. Was there anything new or beneficial? Nope. But it was a great way to avoid life. When you avoid life, you can't fail or succeed, so there can be a misconstrued comfort in being idle, or lukewarm.
Maybe you've felt the same. Maybe social media has had a hold on you with the comparison trap. The never ending desire to get that perfect Instagram feed, or for the live video to go viral, or refreshing your feed every few minutes to see how many new likes you've gotten.
But can I offer that we all know that isn't healthy? We know it, but we don't make any changes. It's comfortable. It's the norm. And what on earth would we do if we didn't have social media?
I know for me it is hard. Not only do I struggle with these personal points, but from a business stand point I run a business that relies on social media, me going live, content marketing, all of that. It's how I make money. If I do not market, I do not acquire new clients to keep the income flowing.
Or so I thought.
For the past few weeks, I've felt this tug to walk away from social media. To trust God with my life in an area I haven't much. I hate to admit it, but I look at my business success as something God began and I've maintained. The awe isn't really there.
And if I know that, it needs to change. If I hear Him knocking at the door to come in on this area, to show me He is God and will do what He wants, whether that is keeping the business going, slowing it down, ramping it up, or letting it dissolve. He will do what He wants and I need to be okay with it, with or without understanding of why.
So while I don't practice Lent, I knew that nudge was timing up. I kept shooing it away, but I can't any longer. This morning, I deleted all of my social media apps from my phone, posted that I was offline and how to e-mail my team, and put my phone down.
I'll admit - I keep picking it up to check notifications, but besides texts and GroupMe, it is quiet. Much quieter than normal. So I put the phone back down and pray because that's what I'm to fill the time with. Intimacy with God.
Where will the next 39 days lead? I'm not sure. I haven't analyzed it all. But I'm going to walk by faith and allow God to show me my identity in Him rather than comparison, that He is my provider, and that obedience is best.