We can't shout our way out of them. We have to battle right through it to the other side of redemption and break that stronghold.
// "In those days they shall say no more: 'The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge.' But every one shall die for his own iniquity: every man who eats the sour grapes, his teeth shall be set on edge" -Jeremiah 31:29-30 //
Let me begin by clarifying: as a Jesus follower, I believe the bondage of generational curses has been broken and the curse in Exodus of generational curses going on 4 generations is null and void.
However, and this is huge, it doesn't mean behavioral patterns and genetics do not impact what we pick up from our lineage.
Meaning: I may not be bound to a curse because of the sins of my family, but I certainly learn from their environment, including what is permissible, how to respond to situations, and norms all around.
That is how I define generational curses. Those things we pick up inherintly and must be broken of when they aren't life-giving.
But it can be hard to look in the mirror and see what needs broken unless we have seen the other side of redemption in that situation.
And I'm not alone. We all have bad habits and ugly tendencies we mirror our families in.
As I struggle with my own curses, God has given me a revelation that I want to share with you today.
In order to break the generational curse, you have to go through it.
You have to face that thing head on and conquer it by His redemptive work on the cross.
Jesus didn't just pray for salvation, He conquered it by rising from the dead.
The disciples didn't just memorize Scripture on growth, they matured sitting at the feet of Jesus.
We can't just cut off people and think the residual will wash away too, ignoring dealing with it.
That is part of healing. It's part of us having a testimony - we go through the test with Jesus. We overcome by His blood and the word of our testimony.
Same page? Great.
I have quite a few ugly things from my family that I'm healing from. Things like bad sibling relationships back 3 generations, sexual abuse back 2 or more generations, parental passiveness but demand for respect 2 or more generations back, adultery and absentee fathers 2 or more generations back.
It's hard to train up a child in the way they should go when you as a parent and adult aren't yet trained yourself. It leaves you to raise your child in the way you know, not necessarily the way you and they should be going.
One area I've struggled with is sexual abuse. I was sexually abused growing up. I have family members who were, too, and told not to speak on it, so when I shared my experience I was told the same by a fellow victim.
As a man, that is especially hard. It's already rare enough with minimal support resources, so to be told to be quiet for the sake of the abuser's life, you enter a place of confusion, feeling unsafe, not loved, and molded into a "be quiet, smile, and don't rock the boat" poker face.
That has been hard to share with my closest friends, my wife, myself. It feels demeaning. It feels like it is somehow my fault. I should've spoken up. I should've known better. I was asking for it.
Talk about messing up identity.
But God is so good. Seriously and truly. I've gotten therapy for it as far back as 8 years ago, but it hasn't been until the past two years that I could see this as a generational curse and really begin to heal correctly in Jesus.
It took me moving back home for the first time since high school, from 28-30, to see these destructive patterns at play in family relationships. To see the truth of our situation.
And this isn't against my family, let me be clear. Outside of Jesus we are all confused and making our own rules. I've forgiven and don't blame anyone, even those who hurt me.
But now I'm at a place where I need to move forward. I need boundaries. I need to set expectations without expecting them to choose what I want, and be okay with those consequences. Be okay with them choosing what they want, even if it isn't supportive of me.
It isn't about me.
It's about infusing Truth into the situation.
It is about me standing up for righteousness and His heart so that I don't dismiss my daughters or son telling me someone touched them inappropriately, God forbid it ever happen.
It is about me facing this curse, one of many, head on with Truth and saying "no more, Satan."
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
And I will love others with healthy boundaries. I'll accept them where they are, but I won't accept them to treat me in a way that perpetuates a cycle of manipulation, abuse, unhealthy submission, and generational curses.
I can't allow it. I know God's love for me and I know this isn't my value. It isn't theirs. It isn't yours.
So I choose life.
And I pray, if you have struggled with generational curses as well, that you choose life. That you choose to face those things head on, armored with Truth, and push through it to healing, to walking in the redemptive nature of our Father, to breaking strongholds in your life. Not by your might, but by His.